Friday, December 07, 2012

FINALly Over.

Today marks the end, and the beginning. The end of my first semester, of my first finals, my first college classes and advisors and teachers and deans, my first time truly having to make [well, most] of my own choices independently. The beginning of a new part of my life, of being with my family, seeing friends at GYC, and eventually, either coming back to school at Weimar or going to the mission field as a student missionary. These 3 and a half months have brought many trials, times where I needed more faith, times where I saw God's love for me, and amazing experiences in which everything worked out for good. One of the hardest times, however, when I needed the most faith, was this past week - finals week. I knew that I would need more faith, more persevering prayer, and more of God working in my life, more than ever. As always, God was there, He was ready to help - but I was distracted, distracted by the worries of the present and questions of the future.
What to do next semester? What questions might be on this final? Oh, I should definitely study that.... What should I do for PAC time? How can I make sure that I have an A in this class - maybe I should talk to the teacher? When am I going to make sure that I have time to pack?

Questions, problems, and annoyances pressured my mind until I felt sure I was going to blow, and it was only Tuesday night. Completely alone in my room, it was a lot easier for me to be depressed, and my big decision about the next six months were really weighing on me. Being a decision-making type of person, at least with big decisions, I always have my plans set and my choices made, and I almost always carry out those plans. But being undecided about such a massively significant decision was taking its toll, and I didn't know what to do. My roommate was also struggling with decisions of her own, and I had no one else I could talk to about it unbiased and in person. Then, I heard the familiar ding of a new email, and began to read. I started to cry, and I couldn't even finish it, because it was exactly what I needed. In fact, I know God was speaking to me through her, saying, "I haven't forgotten about you; in fact, I love you and I am always here for you."
The email was totally unexpected, but definitely planned by God. Right after it, the same friend sent me another email with a quote that exactly applied to me, and helped me remember where my focus needed to be - on the One who could help me solve my dilemma. I am extremely grateful to the Lord for good friends that have prayed for me, encouraged me, and helped me through the hard times. I am still experiencing the dilemma of my decision, but I have peace that He is leading me, and I am praying that wherever He leads me next semester, I will be able to do what He wants me to, and trust Him even more with my decisions.